Mom's 'Crazy' Face

I was reading a book the other day, and I flip through so many books here and there that I can't even remember and give credit to the one where I saw this, but the author was referring to those days when she would be so over the edge that she would have what her kids called "Mom's crazy face". I chuckled when reading about this at first, but then I froze. Do I have a 'crazy face'? And if I do, what does it look like?

'Mom Crazy Face' happens when you are gripping for patience for seconds, minutes, maybe even hours, until finally you lose all control of your facial muscles and vocal chords and everyone around you is pretty sure your body has been taken over by serious child-hating demonic forces. It is the point of no return, when you think at any second your head will explode open and snakes with wicked venom will seap from your temples. Your kids will run and hide as you are wailing with all your might and voice something about "this being the last straw!" The house whirls around in a tornado as you finally remove yourself to the pantry where you remember what your therapist said and slowly count to five. Then you smile and return to whatever you were doing, wondering where everyone has gone.

This is why we do not know what our own 'crazy face' looks like.At that moment, the last thing we do is think, "I should hold this face, and go see what I look like in the mirror." Instead, we transport ourselves into some evil form, and luckily something inside of us transports us back.

I had to get to a mirror and try to mimic what my own crazy face might look like. As I scrunched my face around and narrowed my eyebrows, I could never transform into something that looked all that scary. But I know I have it in me, I've seen the fear in the eyes of my children.

This is the unfortunate part of life that we as moms must endure. So much of our emotion is spontaneous. We can't act out this mom thing. It just happens. No matter how ugly it gets. There is no way we will ever get to see our own crazy face. But we sure do feel it. And based on how that moment feels, I'm not sure I could ever 'face' what I must look like to my kids.

So, this became a good lesson for me. So last time I felt crazy face coming on, I thought of medusa, and crazy-eyed snakes, and the exorcist, and I reminded myself that my face should NOT be the one my kids see in their nightmares. And it really did help, it lead me to laughter at what I must have looked like all those times before. So, instead of the usual 'escape route from mom', my kids actually stopped their fighting and stared at me blankly. Were they just evoking crazy face all along?

I think this will be a much prettier way to go about it. I'm sure crazy face is not gone forever, but if my fine lines don't benefit from less crazy face, I know my blood pressure will. The grass is always greener where there's smile.